OSF Actor’s Next Role should be in Taming of the Shrew


It’s nice to have a relaxing breakfast out once in a while. Since I’ve been working full-time, I rarely get the opportunity. Finding our first choice, Morning Glory jam packed, we opted for Dragonfly and decided to sit out on the patio. At first we tried to ignore the high-pitched screaming from the toddler at another table. Then it continued. The parents’ solution was to let him and his older brother run through the patio area as if it were their personal playground, screaming, yelling and banging on the fence.

We noticed that the woman was one of the Oregon Shakespeare Festival actors. We figured that was why none of the restaurant staff bothered to say anything. She’s entitled to have her kids run around and act like disruptive delinquents.

Finally, the shrill screeching became too annoying and M politely asked the parents, “Is there a way you could possibly keep your children at your table? It’s really disturbing.”

The father looked up with daggers and indignantly replied, “Yes. We can just leave.” We interpreted this as No, we can’t control them because we are spineless douche nozzles

To make matters worse, a guy at the table next to them says to us, “The only thing disturbing me has been your yelling at them all morning!” Thankfully, that table of drones stood up in a huff and left behind their queen bee.

M and I looked at each other like, WTF? “Yelling at them all morning??” It was obvious they were simply bootlickers of the self important thespian.

Five minutes later, the actress makes another dramatic entrance and storms over to our table. She knelt down and proceeded to lecture us about how she doesn’t care what we think of her family. With an even more dramatic flair tells us that today is her birthday, how she home schools her children and what a wonderful mother she is. As a rule, I automatically classify any woman who brags about her excellent mothering skills as deluded.

What I should have asked was, Which one of these declarations gives you a free pass to let your children disrupt people in public?

So, let me get this straight: Your brats disrupt my breakfast date and somehow I’m the jack-ass? And now you’ve come over here to disrupt my breakfast yet again?? 

Then, “Do you have any children?” she demanded of us.

M said, “As a matter of fact, I do. My daughter is nearly 30 and when she was young she sat quietly by my side in restaurants. I taught her to respect other people.”

I guess you can only home school your children in things that you were taught. Clearly no one instructed this harpy any manners.

With that she stood up, gave us a sarcastic “apology” as she drew an invisible square in the area. “I hope you find a place where you can have absolute peace and silence.” Because the world belongs to me, she implied with a sweep of her hand,  and my family does not have to respect anyone! With that, she turned on her heel and marched off.

M called after her, “And good luck when those kids are teenagers!”

Oh, and by the way, my cousin, home schooled 5 children and when they went to a restaurant, you barely knew they were there. Even on her birthday.

Maybe she should read this article: Seven Things Kids Should not be Allowed to do in Restaurants (written by mothers..funny that)

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