Here’s another reason I hate Florida: 40 years after arresting him for indecent exposure, the geniuses in Florida have officially pardoned Jim Morrison. How does this help him? How does this help anyone?
Fred Phelps and his idiot followers of the Westboro Baptist Church (the toothless inbreds that picket soldier funerals) are planning to picket Elizabeth Edward’s funeral this week. I can’t help but to wonder why. Is it because she had the audacity to get breast cancer? Or because she had a 16 year old son get killed in a car accident that traumatized her so badly that she couldn’t even look at a can of Cherry Coke without having breakdown in the grocery store? Or maybe it was because her husband John decided to go screw around and father a child with another woman while Elizabeth was getting treatment for her cancer. Either way, the Westboro Baptists make me want to vomit. I wonder what it’s like to be absolutely perfect in every way, like Fred Phelps and his cousin-wives. Burn in hell, Freddie.
Speaking of Hell, there is something floating around the Internet and Christian media regarding the discovery of the gates of Hell. Apparently, geologists inadvertently opened the gate while drilling into the core of the earth. As they opened the “2000 degree” hole, they heard the screams of the damned. Such an unusual occurence prompted them to drop a microphone into the hole where they recorded the “screams of millions of tortured souls.” Firstly, who builds this microphone? Secondly, I heard the recording and I have to say, it sounds a lot like the ER on a Saturday night. In fact, the screams I heard sound nothing like the true screams of agony I’ve heard when a mother, like Elizabeth Edwards, is told her child has been killed in a car accident. I had to research this phenomenon further. Why wasn’t this on 60 Minutes or something? This is big news. I mean, if we’ve opened the gates of hell is it possible to get Jerry Falwell out? The truth is the entire thing is a hoax. The guy who started it admitted it was a hoax. He wanted to see how far people would carry it. He was surprised to learn that as the story evolved, it became even more wild: bat-faced demons emerging, large worms coming from the hole. Don’t believe everything you see on Youtube.