Know It’s Going To Be A Bad Day In The ER When…
show up for work and notice bars have just been installed on all
the windows and there is now a metal detector at the hospital
The paramedics in the parking lot are all using mops to clean up
their ambulances and the EMTs are using a hose.
The off-going shift has a hard time keeping a straight face when
giving report, especially about Room 15.
Your first patient of the day insists there is no way that she
can be pregnant. She’s crowning.
Your next five patients and their families all scream at you in
different languages, none of which you speak.
Your next patient screams at you in a language you do
understand, but you can’t remember hearing that many obscenities strung together
The intoxicated 250 Kg. transvestite in Room 15 keeps trying to
get your home phone number because you “are just too
Your next patient has maggots but isn’t dead.
The hospital’s attorney wants to talk to you but her secretary
tell you what it’s about.
The hospital has a surprise disaster drill. You were the only
wasn’t tipped off.
The Department is completely empty and one of the off-going
“It’s been that way all night, hope you have a quiet
No one remembered to buy coffee.
You have writers’ cramp and still have 7 hours of the shift
The psychiatric patient who thinks he is Jesus was placed in the
room as another patient who thinks he is Satan.
You get a subpoena for a lawsuit a on a patient that walked out
the department against medical advice two years ago. You can
hope that is what the attorney wants to talk about.
The Hospital Administrator left you a cryptic message about a
crew showing up “sometime today to do a little filming, so
In the middle of a disaster drill two real trauma patients
The paramedics who offered to go out and pick up lunch (and
just advised over the radio they have witnessed a motor vehicle
accident involving a transit bus versus a minivan. “Stand
by for update.”
It’s the first day for the new medical interns, paramedic and
students… all at the same time.
The paramedics tell you the patient you just received with a
head injury, flail chest, and positive belly tap is in
“much better shape
than the one still being cut out of the minivan.”
You hear there is an influenza epidemic traveling like wild fire
the local convalescent homes.
The psychiatric patients’ delusions are beginning to make sense.